Which is Taller ? the Giraffe or the Lion is faster ?

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Robert Palmer: Doctor, Doctor! have you heard the news? Doctor: Yes.

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Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

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Person 1: Did you hear the one about the guy who drank vinegar? Person 2: No Person 1: Oh

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Why did little justin fall off his bike? because a terrorist threw a fridge at him

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Why didn't the Asian student ask for a calculator? Because he was busy washing the dishes and thought a calculator would be completely inappropriate for the situation at hand.

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What did the pirate say when his parrot died? Nothing. They both died at the same time in a horrible shipwreck. There were no survivors.

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Why is this site so stupid? It's no, its the best site ever

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Two jewish men walk into the butcher shop. They buy a pound of ground beef and nothing else.

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How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? Generally one, but as the situation varies so does the number.

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Two parrots were sitting on a perch. The older one turned to the younger one and said "do you smell fish?" The younger one paused for a bit, and replied "do you smell fish?" Their owner had been talking about fish.

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A duck walks into a pharmacy and says to the man behind the counter, "Do you have any ointment? my beak is very chapped" the man replies "we have nothing for ducks here."

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Why did the deaf man take his parrot to work? He was weird.

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Why is Justin Bieber better than Freddie Mercury? Freddie Mercury is dead. Justin Bieber is still alive. Also Freddie Mercury is ugly and Justin is hot.

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What's green and stands in a corner? A naughty frog.

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Q: Why did the turtle cross the road? A: Doesn't matter, got hit by car.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke her face.

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Your mom is so hot your daddy married her and they lived happily ever after

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Whats the difference between a brick and a Jew? One you throw it at the postmans head, the other is just a brick

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What's black and hangs from a tree in my yard? A tire, and it also happens to be a swing.

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Q. What is the answer to life? A. 34

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A girl's opinion is respected.

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Your Mother is so kind that when I see her I say hello and ask her how she has been

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Have you ever seen Stevie Wonders house? I have it's actually really nice

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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